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Marriage Helps

                                       Grand Cayman © Val J. Lee

   (Frequent honeymoons key to exciting marriage)

A study at the University of Chicago found couples who considered divorce, but did not divorce, were happy five years later. “Those who divorced were less happy than those who persevered.” Truth for learners—Divorce often does not produce the relief expected when viewed from the future.

It can take time to work through problems; yes, even many years. Think how long it takes to persevere to finally graduate from high school after kindergarten’s commencement (at times being instructed under insensitive teachers). It is not profitable if we fall under the slightest weight of tribulations. We must grow strong in Jesus Christ, applying the strength of Biblical truths to get through all life throws at us. People may think they can run away from a bad marriage, though life in general, can thrust at them far more tribulations when they think they have escaped all.

Romans chapter 5, verses 3-5, in the Bible: “ … We also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

Maintaining a list of your mate’s positive attributes and peeking at it routinely and giving thanks for these can transform your mindset to an attitude of hope and love. Hope never disappoints. Everyone has some good points. I would also encourage having a prayer list for the godly attributes you desire to see instilled in your husband. A praying wife is such an encouragement to her covenant companion.

Go on frequent honeymoons, even if it is just two days at a rental cabin. Solomon said to his wife, arise my love and let us get away on this lovely spring day:

Song of Solomon, chapter 2, in the Bible:  “My beloved speaks and says to me:

‘Arise, my love, my fair one,

   and come away; 

for now the winter is past,

   the rain is over and gone. 

 The flowers appear on the earth;

   the time of singing has come,

and the voice of the turtle-dove

   is heard in our land. 

 The fig tree puts forth its figs,

   and the vines are in blossom;

   they give forth fragrance.

Arise, my love, my fair one,

   and come away.”

Clark’s Grebes mate for Life, they are an aqua ave of perfect harmony.  Christian marriages should strive to move in synchronized, joyful, loving dance harmony.

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One facet to a good marriage is seeing each day as a new honeymoon. Never depart from your honeymoon state.

Years, after being married and extracting much time to raise children, can create a sterile marriage if the honeymoon excitement departs. Marriage is work, yet the excitement of being with one’s spouse can make one forget the work aspect or at least leave it in the background.

It is wise to note, a quiet and gentle spirit is precious in the sight of God and can move mountains within the marriage covenant. Being on a warpath rampage will never resolve marital problems. I appreciate the fact my two daughters-in-law and daughters-in-love, possess quiet and gentle spirits.

Please read and study the second and third chapters of 1 Peter in the Bible. These truths sent from God through His love expose the good and productive side of suffering. When Christian women suffer in their marriages, they learn about the precious sufferings of Christ their Savior. As Christians we are called to suffer, not to always stroll down paths of rose petals. Though this does not mean self-inflicted sufferings, of course.

We read in 1 Peter 2: 23-25 “Who, when He (Jesus Christ) was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”

And 1 Peter 3:1-2 “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear (of God).” 

Continually consider, God says a woman’s chaste behavior and her silence are essential to bringing her husband back into obedience to the Holy Scriptures. Chaste behavior before the world includes being modest in dress or dressing in bashfulness towards men, not exposing body parts like they are for sale for every male passerby’s lusting eyes. Immodesty is not a good option for a woman who desires a chaste reputation, encompassed in pure and innocent femininity. I am referring to outside the marriage bedroom when referring to modesty.

Our trust must be in God, not in one’s spouse. Man will continually fail and sin; God never does and He never lets go of our hand if we remain close to Jesus Christ. The Bible, in the book of Jeremiah, wisely teaches “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes man his strength.” And Christ placed His trust in no man knowing what is in man; John 2:24. We grow strong by leaning on God and not relying on mankind to never fail us.

It is interesting to heed how many people who have divorced and remarried, once or more, still reference their first marriage; their covenant for life made before God. Most people, following years of remarriage, desire they had worked it out with their first mate. Even the rich and famous of chic society have stated this. Why, because, problems compound with a new marriage or more than one new marriage. Couples may be happy for a short period, following the new union, but such enjoyment usually fades after a year. They also forget when re-falling in love, a new mate’s faults will grow tremendously through the years just like with their past mate once the exciting veil of blindness is removed.

When the love scales fall off, reality does hit every marriage like a baseball bat.

Adulterers also lack in the wisdom and benefits of those who stuck it out and ironed many disagreements out. Of course, when people find Jesus Christ later in life, no matter past decisions, their lives are tremendously blessed if they follow the marriage course for life.

Do remember, even women who were married to men who had other wives, sometimes countless other wives, such as Queen Esther’s husband the king, the marriages survived unto death. Of course, I would never promote polygamy, being it is a terrible route to face. This is not God’s way! And when men come to Christ, who dwell in polygamous lands, they must put away all wives but one.

A wise man once stated on radio, divorce and remarriage is polygamy American style.

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Please study the book of Malachi on marriage, knowing God is watching how Christian husbands treat their wives and He deals accordingly.

Malachi chapter 2:

“And this is the second thing you do:

You cover the altar of the Lord with tears,

With weeping and crying;

So He does not regard the offering any more,

Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.

Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’

Because the Lord has been witness

Between you and the wife of your youth,

With whom you have dealt treacherously;

Yet she is your companion

And your wife by covenant.

But did He not make them one,

Having a remnant of the Spirit?

And why one?

He seeks godly offspring.

Therefore take heed to your spirit,

And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

‘For the Lord God of Israel says

That He hates divorce,

For it covers one’s garment with violence,’

Says the Lord of hosts.

‘Therefore take heed to your spirit,

That you do not deal treacherously.

Do not neglect to study the book of Hosea as well. Hosea had a wayward, adulterating wife—Gomer. He never gave up interceding for her repentance. He pled to God for her path to be covered in thorns with no successes and other such pleas to God. Wise interceding is a must to a good marriage.

Walking in daily forgiveness and not letting the sun go down on your anger can bring daily peace to your matrimony covenant even during trying days.

Hosea eventually bought Gomer off a slave block and returned her to his home. She now had to stay with him, owning she was now bought and paid for. She, in her sin, ended up in slavery. Sin never prospers and sin always leads to some type of slavery bondage.

And always complaining about one’s mate to others leads to the bondage of sinful gossip. And paybacks never pay off, as you now have to deal with more sin within the marriage.

One way to reach a communication level is stretching into the realm of gentle and logical conveyance. It is usually only logical communications a man will listen too, never hysteria. A wife, at times, must reach into her husband’s mind to get a message across, using terms he is familiar with. As an example, a wife might ask her husband to remember when he was working under the car and a wrench fell on his head. Then add, It felt like a wrench fell on my head when you embarrassed me.

And added prayer can be a wrench which turns his heart to the right course in sensitivity.

This is one of the most powerful prayers found in Scripture regarding marriage and a mate’s wayward paths. This penned by hurting Hosea. He certainly came to understand how God’s heart pains from sin. The text:

For she (Hosea’s wife, Gomer) said, “I will go after my lovers, who give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.” (She did not know it was Hosea who met the majority of her material needs by God’s grace. You understand this when you read this book in the Bible or online.)

Hosea’s words stated according to God’s perfect will and through His omnipotence: “Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns; and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. She shall pursue her lovers, but not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them.” Then she shall say, “I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better with me then than now.” (Hosea 2:5b-7)

Another prayer of consideration, which I often pray for those in sin: May so and so have no peace nor rest in their sin and may their sin forever be before their eyes that they might repent.

With prayers set before us, we must be considering we sin too and fall short and must request the forgiveness of our forgiving LORD God through Jesus Christ—God the Son. Humility is one necessity to a blessed marriage.

(As a side note, a wise and productive activity is to pray verses when reading through Scripture, especially those regarding the fruits of godliness.)

When contemplating divorce, never forget, “adulterers and fornicators God will judge, but the marriage bed is undefiled.” (Hebrews 13:4) And most of us know, “God hates divorce.”

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When advising young people of marital age, encourage them to seek a mate with multiple godly qualities.

For a gal, she needs to read the qualifications for elders found in the books of Timothy and Titus. Boaz, whom Ruth married, is another example of a godly man. Daniel is another. He would never submit to false religions, including those of idolatry (idol worship) and new spirituality teachings.

Men too need to study the godly women found in Scripture, including Mary, the earthly mother of Jesus and her Aunt Elizabeth, as well as women in the Old Testament such as Esther and Ruth.

(This is some of the wisdom I have used in counseling women in troubled marriages. Of course, we can never learn enough and if you have additional godly wisdom, please let me know.)

Practical article:

March 14, 2017 Posted by | divorce, Marriage Helps | , | Leave a comment